As the holiday season approaches, the next few weeks will be filled with food, family, and fun-but not all family gatherings will leave you feeling good. Interacting with nosy aunties and drunk uncles can make you question why you even showed up for the holiday dinner. If that sounds like your family dynamic, don't worry-it's not too late to set the boundaries you need to successfully manage the holidays and protect yourself while doing so.
Let's talk about the mental and emotional dishes you can bring to the table alongside those candied yams. First up, how about serving up a side of “You can't talk to me any kind of way"? It wouldn't be a family gathering without someone, usually someone you haven't seen in months or even years, asking or saying something inappropriate. Whether it's about your weight, lifestyle, pronouns, marital status, or age, the questions can be uncomfortable. "You still single?" "Have you put on weight?" "When are you having a baby?" In the past, you might have answered these with a frustrated yet respectful, "Yes, Auntie,” “No, Auntie,” or “I don't know, Auntie,” before slipping into a corner or back room to escape the inquisition. But this year, let's put boundaries on the table. Even if these comments from a family member come from a place of concern, they can still cross boundaries. Instead of swallowing your dignity to keep the peace, you can calmly say, “I know you mean well, but Auntie, that's a personal question I'd prefer not to answer right now." Period. Full stop.
Interacting with family during the holidays can feel like navigating an emotional minefield. Annoying Auntie questions may be the least of your worries. You may find yourself facing more difficult situations, like interacting with an uncle you've never felt comfortable with, a cousin you've never liked, or maybe even a family bully. These exchanges can be triggering, and you'll feel those knots in your stomach right alongside that last bite of cranberry sauce. But these interactions too can be addressed by showing up as your full self, armed with boundaries you've never set before. When faced with relatives who feel more like enemies, politely removing yourself to protect your peace is completely okay. Boundaries let you define your limits when it comes to space, time, and energy. If you don't want to touch “Uncle Hug-You-Too-Long" or be near "Cousin Do-Too-Much," then don't. A polite hello and a quick exit are totally fine.
You are never obligated to expose yourself to energy that feels dangerous, even if it's family.
Finally, remember that the holidays can be stressful for many reasons-deadlines, financial strain, and performance expectations can be a recipe for poor mental health. But it doesn't have to be that way. Now is the time to plan for what's on your mental and emotional menu by giving yourself some “holiday pre-care.” Pre-care is the self-caring time and activities that help you successfully navigate challenging holiday interactions and difficult situations. Before the madness hits, make sure to carve out time for yourself. For example, the weekend before Thanksgiving, pamper yourself- spend time alone or with a friend who lifts you up. Try a long walk, a yoga session, or some vigorous exercise. These activities will clear your mind, center your body, and help you prepare for any emotionally triggering moments your family may throw at you.
Remember: boundaries and self-care are acts of self-respect. They help protect your energy, honor your values, and nurture healthier family relationships and those are the most important dishes on the table.
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